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spread your crap out

Spread your crap out ladies

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Yep, spread it out and don on your diva garments like the Hollywood wannabees you are.

It’s one of my pet peeves and it happened again in a casting last week. I was waiting quietly for my turn to be called in, and had put my handbag underneath the seat and filled out the clipboard registration details. I was early. I wasn’t rushing. And there were another two or three girls also waiting…on men, apparently. (I do wonder why are there never enough guys in commercial castings? Why don’t they show – I know loads of guys who would be happy to show up and want the work).

So sheet filled out, brief read. Time to chill. I never take my phone out in auditions. I find it distracts me as there’s so much access to social media right there at my fingertips. And social media, for me, before a casting is a massive no no.

Instead I start to observe the room. Directly across from me is an actress who has decided she needs not one, but three seats, for herself and her stuff. She’s sitting on one, with some shoes in front, she has a bag on top of another, and more stuff on a third. I breath out calmly thinking “well she’s a bit rude as there’s not that much room“. I take a trip to the ladies to check I look refreshed.

Upon returning, she’s now positioned herself on my side. So effectively she has taken out four chairs within the audition room now, not to mention that she’s now sitting bedside me when she doesn’t need to. Why!!??

It really irks me and it happens often. Men don’t seem to do it, just women. The girls in castings rock in with five bags (not even sure why they need so much crap) and they proceed to display it like a suit of armour across the room, thereby making as many functional chairs unavailable as possible for other people coming to audition.

It’s f&@£ing rude! It really pees me off!

It reminds me of a dog who needs to wee on every tree they pass to indicate it’s their territory. It’s not your territory.

What you are actually doing is being a pretentious dick idiot. You’re screaming, I’m so important here with all  my stuff. Look at me.

It is just one example of many where what we (actually) see is someone we don’t dare work with in the future because you’re gonna be high maintenance, needy and attention seeking.

It’s the same as actors who make a big song and dance when they arrive on set. I’ve covered many times before on here that we don’t need to hear your Spotlight or LA Casting CV on arrival. And you don’t need to make a grand entrance either. Everyone will know you eventually. You’re going to be in front of the camera soon enough, with between 30-100 pairs of eyes on you. So for now, pipe down baby puppy and chill. Speak to the First AD, mill quietly, and if you must, ask for a cup of tea so you can busy yourself with something other than distracting try-hard banter.

Check out Casting Director Nicci Topping’s post about ‘10 Reasons Why Some Actors Get all The Good Jobs‘. It’s bloody marvellous and simple. And it too, will help you stop being a diva. Point 7.

Over and out. Rant over. I’m off to sit quietly in an audition and mind my own business.

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